Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
