He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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