How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
