have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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