On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This house was built for laser tag.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
