Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
COCAINE IS GR8
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
