And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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