I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
