So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
