I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
