Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
