Your dad touched me again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
