a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
