i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
