You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
