I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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