You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
