Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
