So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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