I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
