i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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