What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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