She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
