In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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