I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
