High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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