bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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