He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
