his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
