My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
