I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
