I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
