everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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