we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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