I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
