wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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