I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
