Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
