So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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