Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
