my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
