dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
