he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
