does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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