I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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