and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
