her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
