I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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