Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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