dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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