i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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