It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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