life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
